A Planner’s View on Wedding Party: Who should sit out and Who should stand with you

So you’re recently engaged! Now your DMs + comments section on Instagram are flooding with “Congrats” from college friends, cousins, even your best friend from kindergarten. Next thing you know, folks are asking how they can help you prep for your big day and you’re suddenly SO overwhelmed.

We get it, the pressure is on to choose who will stand by your side on Wedding Day. But have no fear, we’re here to help.

The Many Wedding Party Personalities

We’ve seen the many faces of wedding party attendants, from the bitter bridesmaid to the bossy bridesmaid, or the childish groomsman. When choosing your attendants, remember if they are not “the chosen ones”, it does not make them any less of a friend. It is okay to be selfish when planning for your wedding day.

When thinking of who is willing to crawl on the floor and help you change your shoes without rolling their eyes or making the day about them, choose wisely. Those are the folks you want by your side on wedding day, your ride or dies *inserts clapping emojis*.

If you don’t choose wisely, and we’ve seen it – you end up with attendants that have the nastiest expressions on their faces, or they aren’t willing to cooperate, get drunk and can’t make it down the aisle. These folks are best left in their seats, or even at home. (Who to invite will be another blog for another time!)

We aren’t saying to leave your “life of the party friends” out of your wedding party. These are the folks who will make the day fun and bring the party, (Plus they’ll plan BOMB pre-wedding events!) But, to a certain extent they do need to be reliable.

Photo Credit: Inije Photography

Choosing your Best Man + Maid/Matron of Honor

Our recommendation is to always have responsible people in the mix, especially when it comes to the best man + maid/matrons of honor. These are the folks responsible for holding your wedding rings, holding your bouquet, basically managing your people so you don’t have to.

Your wildest friend may be your favorite choice, but if they need a little encouragement of getting it together it’s a good thought to have a second in command take the lead.

Call them the “wise friend” or the “mom”/ “dad” of the group if you will.

How to choose?

If you decide to have a wedding party, a specific number of wedding party members is not a requirement. It can be as small as you want or as large. We’ve seen it as simple as a maid of honor + best man,  or 10 attendants on each side.

Items to keep in mind when going larger: the more people you have, the more bodies to manage, the more personalities & opinions, and schedules to take into account when planning pre-wedding activities. Depending how involved you would like your attendants to be, this is a factor to keep in mind. The more people, the more costs involved depending what you as partners are planning to take care of for your wedding party, i.e attire, grooming, gifts.

We get it, everyone had busy schedules and it’s a scary thought to coordinate 6 people’s lives. Lucky for us we live in the digital age. We at OneTouch have mastered virtual planning with couples from all over, and know it can be done seamlessly with effort from both sides.

Kick Tradition to the Curb 

To begin, there are truly no “rules” you must follow. Couples get fixated on the idea of having even pairs, or that a bride’s best guy friend can’t be a “groomsmaid”. You may have parents chiming in that your first cousin MUST be in the wedding party, the opinions are endless.

As far as others that will walk down the aisle wedding day, a shocker to many we are dropping right here: Kids. Are. Not. Required. Have a flower girl, don’t have a flower girl. No one will remember.

Do not feel guilted into selecting certain people because you’re worried about their feelings getting hurt. If you haven’t seen someone in 5 years and they’ve never met your significant other, it’s okay if they sit this one out.

If you are a bride who has more male friends than female friends, do not feel the need to conform to gender norms, mix up your attendants! It’s always exciting to see something different and no one will look twice if that is what makes your happy.

We are here to tell you these rules are not concrete, and you are the makers of what your wedding day will look like.  Your wedding party is your A-Team, your support system, and most importantly HAPPY to be by your side. Choose wisely.

Liked what you read? For more Event Tips check out our blog page by clicking here! Feel free to leave a comment and tell us about your wedding party experience, whether you’re already married or in the process of choosing now.

Photo Credit: Danny Austin Photography